Late Bloomers

Is it a case of better late than never?

Recently, two once-famous Baby Boomer actresses – Meredith Baxter (“Family Ties”) and Kelly McGillis (“Top Gun”) – came out. It’s worth noting that both women are hovering around 60.

The public reacted with a shrug, perhaps in part because they haven’t been on the pop culture radar in so long. But when I heard, I wondered if their age may bring up a criticism that has been a bane of our existence: We supposedly choose to be gay.

I know many people wonder why if sexual orientation is really innate, then how can people like Baxter and McGillis lead heterosexual lives for decades, then suddenly “decide” they prefer their own gender?

First, we should remember the times these women grew up in. They understood homosexuality to be a “psychological disorder” into their early adulthood. Living a gay life was not presented as a real or legitimate possibility. So even if there were feelings, they likely saw themselves as not being able to act on them and have a happy career or personal life.

Secondly, and more important, that choice vs. birth argument undercuts a fundamental truth: the mysterious nature and complexity of sexuality. I think sexual orientation is derived from a combination of factors, including genetics and social environment. If one can concede we can never know absolutely everything about the human body and its wonders, how can we presume to be able to simply ascertain what makes up sexual orientation?

In recent interviews, Baxter expressed that she had turbulent relationships with men throughout her life and got to a point to where she didn’t understand why certain things didn’t gel. But embarking on a romance with a woman after her divorce made things fall into place. She obviously knew something was up but just didn’t understand what it was.

So an older man or woman who comes into his or her gayness late in life shouldn’t be looked at as suspect. It’s judgmental to say their previous lives were shams. I’m sure what they had at the time felt right. It’s not simply a phase, escape from boredom, or confusion for most. It’s a realization that happened to come late in life.

I suspect that as the generations advance, we’ll be seeing fewer seniors coming out because our society is tolerant enough to where coming to grips with who you are doesn’t seem a scary, isolated prospect. And we’ll be doing that much earlier in our lives.

Despite the age, I suspect Baxter, McGillis and others are finally feeling comfortable in their own skin. I also suspect they aren’t looking back.