Spanish Fly

Leave it to that cinematic trickster Woody Allen to make me think I was only going to see a breezy romp about a ménage a trios (well, four technically) and then give me some weighty relationship issues to ponder.

I went with a friend to see "Vicky Cristina Barcelona," a story about two aforementioned women who vacation in the aforementioned Spanish city and simultaneously get involved with a sexy painter who has a crazy ex-wife (the latter two become a two-for-one deal).

Cristina and Vicky are archetypes on the surface, but they have traits and distinctive views on relationships that can be found among us. Cristina is impetuous, passionate, and afraid of boredom. She’s had many short relationships that burn out. Hmmm. Sound like any gay man you know? Vicky prizes stability among all else, perhaps even true happiness. The viewer quickly gets the sense her lawyer fiancé was a pragmatic choice, not an emotional one. Those women – and men – are certainly out there.

The movie is imperfect, but I like how it shows the drawbacks of the relationship mindset that each woman swears is ideal (at least at first). Cristina dives headfirst into an affair with the painter and even when the ex-wife shows up, the three become a unit sexually and otherwise. OK, Scarlett Johansson (Cristina), Javier Bardem (the painter) and Penelope Cruz (the ex-wife) together? It can hardly get more exciting than that. And Cristina seems to do nothing but take scenic pictures, make love and drink wine.

But for Cristina, even that unusual arrangement turns ho-hum. If this isn’t exciting for long, then what is and can be? Cristina reminds me of that old joke about gay men in L.A. They’re all 10s looking for 11s. Cristina is Exhibit A of Restless Bed Syndrome. Victims set themselves up for possible long-term unhappiness because side effects include constantly thinking something better will come along and they’ll miss it.

They fancy themselves as chasing happiness and not settling, but the upshot is that they never can be satisfied for long (or perhaps don’t allow themselves to be). What if, in the course of this chase, the runner passes out of exhaustion or runs by the mark s/he really needs? In my singledom, I had some Cristina-esque moments. I hated routines and got bored easily. I was worried a lot more about settling than being hasty with dating choices.

Vicky is the other side of the spectrum. Sensing chaos from a life unplanned, she seeks solid long-term relationships with no bells or whistles. The painter’s bald offer of a weekend getaway with clear intentions of bedding both women offends Vicky. First, she’s engaged. Second, it’s illogical and unsafe to get involved with a stranger. She sees Cristina’s eagerness to say yes as another "crisis" that Cristina creates for herself.

But then Vicky unexpectedly falls for the painter and sees the Spanish exotic as more virtue than vice. Her fiancé never makes her feel special or even notices how the flamenco guitar music floods her face with emotion. He’s busy talking about golf and apartment hunting. She realizes that maybe she was dumb for doing the "smart" thing and marrying a well-to-do but unimaginative lawyer. Is stability worth unfulfillment?

If you actually read the Q&A that comes with Metro Weekly’s Coverboy Confidential layout, you’ll see that the most common response for biggest fear is "being alone." And that fear propels the choices some of us make. We’d rather have an unsatisfying or just bad relationship than none at all. Men and women with much going for them fall into this trap. Another person supposedly provides the needed support system, but how much support comes from a failing system?

You can imagine Vicky making a list of suitable traits for marriage and deigning her man worthy. A laundry list of features is nice for computer shopping, say, but not necessarily for man shopping. What about desire, instinct, and flexibility of expectations? The painter makes Vicky see things she willfully overlooked for the sake of order.

The movie does miss the boat on one thing. The implication is that you can either have a life of boring monogamy or fleeting free love – someone needs to tell Woody the ‘60s are over. There is such a thing as a relationship that offers serious commitment, yet has romance and passion. (I have one, and so do some of my friends).

And that big-picture idea of a relationship can make you happy and keep you covered, even when the rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain.