The Enablers

It was supposed to be the moment that Whitney Houston achieved personal, if not career, redemption.

She sat across from Oprah in an empty theater Monday to divulge some unsavory aspects of the last decade of her life when she was at her worst under a haze of drugs and marriage to Bobby Brown. The interview may not have gone as well as Whitney hoped. People have already speculated that she wasn’t completely honest about all the drugs she did. Some thought the whole thing seemed stage-managed for both parties.

But what stayed with me is Whitney as Enabler.

When she was explaining her drug addiction, she said Bobby was the ultimate drug. She was weak with him. He was her addiction. When Oprah asked about abuse, Whitney declared that Bobby was not abusive. But when recounting their life together, she backpedaled.

It seems he “only” slapped her once and shoved her into a wall once (glad that wasn’t a habit, there). Oh and he spit on her – only once. But apparently he belittled her out of professional jealousy and painted evil eyes on their bedroom wall. If that’s not abuse, then what is? But she said everything – the drugs, the appearing very ghetto on Being Bobby Brown – was because she was being the good wife, desperately wanting to please him.

So one of the most popular and powerful women in the history of music didn’t feel empowered enough to leave a bad situation and, what’s more, felt cowed into doing things she supposedly wouldn’t do by a man with a fraction of her talent, wealth, and staying power.

This instantly reminded me of Rihanna another Enabler. After her vicious beatdown by Chris Brown, she was reportedly still seeing him and refused to say a negative thing about him publicly. And did you see Chris Brown’s lame mea culpa on Larry King last week? He was barely apologetic about what he did, refused to give any details of that night or his relationship with Rihanna, and tried to convince America the person that night was not really him.

Now that a judge has forced Chris Brown not to be in contact with Rihanna for five years, I guess she has moved on, if forcibly by law.

Are these women that weak? Are they behaving just as most of us would, convinced our partner “didn’t mean it” and must be supported? But there’s a certain point where accepting certain behavior under the hope of a change or the disillusion of loyalty makes us part of the problem, instead of part of the solution.

A few things have happened in my life personally, where I’ve examined people (formerly) close to me. It’s a battle. One action or even two doesn’t make a whole person. But it’s indicative of character. And there’s a line. Even with forgiveness, there’s a line. These women were clearly dragged over it, although both supposedly are stronger and know better. And one would think the logic they used to choose to stay with their men through the ugliness is faulty.

But I wouldn’t be surprised if it happens again to Whitney, Rihanna, or anyone else. We so easily get sucked into believing things will be better and people will be better.

But we’d better be prepared to act on our own best interests if they aren’t.