Porn To Be Wild

OK, we have the love that dare not speak its name. How about the hobby that dare not speak its name?

I’m talking about porn. Very recently, the idea, and even the word itself, have come under some attack.

First, there’s the Kevin Smith movie Zack and Miri Make a Porn. Several cities, including Philadelphia, banned outdoor advertisements of the film because 5-year-old Mary Beth may see the word on a billboard and ask Mommy what that means.

Last month, Australian researchers claimed a link between clinical depression and an online sex life, after stating in part that, "1,325 men from the U.S and Australia were surveyed about their Internet sex habits, which might include trolling for porn, participating in online chats, or doing things with webcams."

And there’s this crazy, extremist group Stop Porn Culture that uses a traveling road show that displays over a hundred extreme hardcore images to tell us that porn is harmful. They perpetuate myths and unsubstantiated claims that all porn – even though they are bent on only showing the extreme stuff (without requiring ID to see this little exhibit, mind you) – is responsible for exploiting women, providing dead-end economic choices for young girls, fostering racism and sexism, and being a causal factor in rape, child abuse and domestic violence. Oh, yeah, the group claims every porn actor ever has been abused as a child. (The group sheepishly admitted it had no proof or studies to back this up).

To rebel against the porn assault, I promptly went to Hot House Entertainment and stocked up on six DVDs and bought 15 hours worth of streaming video – just kidding! But the hullabaloo made me think if porn has a negative or harmful side.

I watch porn now and then. It’s a casual and fun diversion that is akin to flipping through nudie magazines. I like seeing good eye candy and the physicality turns me on and occasionally has given me a few ideas for real life. It’s never replaced my sex life. And when I’m satisfied in my sex life, I tend to seek it out a lot less. I prefer the real thing.

But what if some of us who watch porn on a regular basis get really caught up in it and it does affect our sex lives. For example, watching impossibly buff bodies and seeing impossibly big dicks and impossibly toned bubble butts may make real men seem impossibly disappointing. And could one get to the point to where when having sex with a lover or partner, he fantasizes more about the guy in the movie than who he’s with?

And what about couples to where one wants to use porn as part of the lovemaking on a regular basis? Is the porn just merely in the same category as a bubble bath, soft music, and silk boxers – something to get the mood going – or a necessary part of the engine to keep things going? And does it make the couple dependent on porn? Who’s to say porn can’t merely be a sex life enhancement, just like certain toys?

And do those who can spend an hour, or two, or three at a pop exploring different sex sites just having fun, or does desperation and loneliness propel them? The Australian study broadly paints online enthusiasts as sad loners. But that can’t be the whole story.

It’s a hard thing to draw a line on what’s healthy vs. unhealthy sometimes. You can’t judge solely by time spent or fetishes enacted. For me, the litmus test is addiction and dependency. Porn is just like alcohol or many other things of that nature: you can enjoy it without it being harmful. But too much too often can affect health and behavior and give it a disproportionate place in your life that muscles out other people and bigger priorities.

Hopefully, any individual or couple is attuned to comfort level and the place porn – or other things for that matter – plays in their lives. It can be very fun or it can make you dependent, and affect your well-being and relationships.

I hope none of us succumb to the porn-is-bad, judgmental generalists I describe above, though. They’re just as bad for sex as the worst-case pornography scenario could ever be.