Deny! Deny! Deny!

Have we learned nothing from Bill Clinton?

Remember when, even during the 1992 campaign, all those stories about his mistresses started cropping up? Until the Monica Lewinsky mess and impeachment twisted his arm and forced him to reveal himself to be the hound dog we already knew he was, he adamantly denied the affair stories. When the truth was revealed, it was sad and pathetic. Did he really think we (and Hillary) didn’t know?

All of this entered my mind with the latest (and hopefully last) saga in the John and Elizabeth Edwards soap opera, “The Days of Our Crazy-Ass Lives.” John released a statement finally admitting he was the father of Rielle Hunter’s toddler, and apologized for the repeated denial of that fact to the America public and most grievously his family. Perhaps this was in part to get ahead of the upcoming book of his former campaign aide, who at first stated that he was the father but who later recanted and admitted he was covering for his boss.

Meanwhile, we learned Elizabeth kicked the Ken Doll out of the house and is on her way to filing divorce once North Carolina’s year of separation requirement is fulfilled. And apparently, she accompanied John last month to make a monitored visit of the 2-year-old love child. Remarkably, she had Christmas gifts for the child and encouraged a picture with his daddy.

I think John may be vilified in part because he’s a public figure whose first whiff of scandal wafted from the pages of the National Enquirer. But really, he’s exhibiting traits in human nature found in most of us.

When we do something wrong that threatens our relationship, the first instinct seems to be covering it up. Most of us talk about honesty but we fear that the misdeed or issue at hand will be the one that nets no points for coming clean. It will anger and hurt the other person and make he or she leave. So now the objective is keeping quiet and covering it up if need be.

The problem, though, is that, especially if it’s a biggie like an affair or a love child, you can run but you can’t hide. Forget karma. Circumstances will unlock those secrets soon enough. And then having to admit something you formerly denied becomes worse. You’re double branded for being a deceiver and liar and it looks like you’re playing your loved one for a fool.

From the outside, it’s hard to tell if the paternity of the mistress’ child was the driving force behind Elizabeth’s decision to split from John. But when we knew for certain there was only the affair and John’s claims that he wasn’t with Rielle during the time when she conceived, Elizabeth vowed they would work through it. But shortly after the paternity came to light, that desire to work through it seemed to evaporate.

I can imagine Elizabeth, already dealing with infidelity, was livid that in such a low point, John couldn’t bring himself to admit to everything. The final revelation made everybody foolish – in public, no less. And you couldn’t help but wonder if John copped to everything early on if the marriage couldn’t be saved. Yeah, it’s bad. But it’s easier to figure out what to do and rebuild trust when everything is on the table.

It’s funny how sometimes we think we can’t get caught or we fancy ourselves “protecting” our loved ones from a mistake, when it’s really about absolving ourselves from some of the accountability and ultimately making it easier for us (not the other person).

The whole episode made me think of the immortal words that Judge Judy likes to appropriate: “Don’t pee on my leg and tell me it’s raining!”

Men Behaving Badly

Well, it seems our political husbands have been behaving badly lately. And it makes you wonder. Why are so many policymakers intent on blocking strides to legalize gay marriage when they’re doing such a poor job with marriage themselves?

We have John Edwards, whom I thought was as scalded as he could be in the hot water he brewed for his affair with Rielle Hunter. Remember the good old days when it was only an issue that Edwards merely had an affair with the women in charge of making videos for his presidential campaign and maybe the baby she had was really his?

This past week, a book proposal leaked to the media from a former Edwards campaign worker who claimed that his admission of being the father of the baby was a lie to protect Edwards, the real father. Oh, and apparently Edwards told Hunter that when his cancer-stricken wife Elizabeth dies, they will get married in New York and be serenaded by the Dave Matthews Band.

And of course, you recalled South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford’s moronic dance this summer. He was found to have an Argentine mistress, whom he visited on the taxpayers’ dime. I loved how he called his mistress the love of his life but said he would try to fall in love again with his wife, who bore him four sons. Apparently, she is shopping a book of her own.

Lump those jokers in with fellow adulterous (and Republicans) David Vitter and John Ensign – and throw in Elliot Spitzer’s romp with hookers and his resignation of the New York governorship - and you have a peanut gallery of men behaving badly.

And all of this behavior has made my blood boil, as I think about the gay marriage fight, especially as Washington, DC seems poised to approve gay marriage and is bound to face legal opposition. Let’s not talk about if some members of Congress intervene to kill it.

Why don’t these anti-gay conservatives who are trying to protect the “sanctimony” of marriage throw some criticism at married, straight politicians who don’t seem too concerned about respecting their own marriages?

Inevitably, we will have policymakers at the local and national level like Sanford and Ensign who oppose gay marriage and would deny a right to citizens on “moral grounds,” even while they act immorally in their private lives.

It isn’t merely about hypocrisy. It’s the diehard American tendency to uphold ideals that we don’t always follow personally as part of this idea of creating the greater good for larger society. So even if a politician has a dalliance, he likes to think of himself as protecting the family and moral landscape for the good of the country when he votes to strike down a gay marriage initiative or inhibit a woman’s right to an abortion because it offends his vision of right and wrong.

So when there’s another inevitable scandal, I can’t wait to see if the next stooge has gone on record fighting gay marriage and otherwise preaching moral standards. And he’d better be careful walking to avoid the shards from his glass house.